Heart of the Hawk Read online

  David Griffin could rot in hell before she gave him another chance to make a fool of her! she thought grimly, striding across the grass. The trousers and sweater and lingerie that had been washed and re-washed during the past few days could dissolve into shreds first. There was such a thing as self-respect.

  'Dammit, woman, watch where you're going!' The angry snarl of a deep voice cut her like a whip, and Rachel stumbled back as a horse, black as night, reared up in front of her. The animal whinnied in alarm and danced nervously under its rider. David Griffin stared down at her, his face a dark cloud.

  'You're the one who should watch where he's going,' she said, as soon as she could get her voice under control. 'What were you trying to do, Mr Griffin? Run me down?'

  'Is that the way you cross streets in New York?' he demanded. 'It's a wonder you get from one side to the other!'

  She looked up at him with distaste. 'The wonder is that you haven't killed anybody yet,' she said, stuffing her shaking hands into her jacket pockets. 'I don't have any trouble crossing streets, Mr Griffin. I don't have any trouble crossing bridle paths in Central Park, either. They have signs posted to warn people that they're liable to be trampled to death.'

  David's scowl vanished and his teeth flashed whitely. 'Trampling people isn't Abdullah's style,' he said, leaning over the horse's arched neck and patting the glistening black coat. The animal snorted nervously. 'Easy, boy,' he murmured. 'It's OK.' His eyes met Rachel's and the scowl reappeared. 'You scared the hell out of my horse.'

  Rachel tossed the hair back from her face and laughed sharply. 'My God,' she said, sarcasm underscoring every word, 'I'd hate to think I'd done that. Maybe I should send him a note of apology.'

  'A pat on the nose would do. He's really very easy to please.'

  She gave the horse a sideways glance and shook her head. 'I make it a habit not to apologise to things that try to kill me. Let Abdullah talk things over with your hawk—they'll have lots to tell each other. Good day, Mr Griffin.'

  Turning on her heel, she started back towards the house at a brisk pace, ignoring the muffled sounds of hoofbeats on the grass behind her. But she couldn't ignore the sudden not so gentle shove in the small of her back.

  'Call your horse off, please,' she said evenly, trying to keep her footing as the finely chiselled head nuzzled her again.

  David chuckled softly as the horse butted her once more. 'Its his idea, not mine. He likes you, Rachel.'

  She glanced quickly behind her. The horse was following her, it's head almost at her shoulder.

  'I'm delighted to hear it,' she said, quickening her pace. 'Tell him the feeling's not... Hey!' she protested indignantly, as the animal pushed its nose into her back. 'Look, Mr Griffin...'

  'David. I thought we settled that the other day.'

  His voice was silken and the message' subtle. Rachel felt her cheeks blaze, but at least her back was to him. It couldn't be much fun humiliating her if he couldn't see her face.

  'I'm sorry I disturbed you and whatever his name is...'

  'Abdullah. And you didn't disturb us, Rachel. Abdullah and I...' His words dissolved in laughter as the horse tried to bury his nose in Rachel's pocket.

  'He's going to rip my jacket,' she said angrily, stopping and turning to face the horse. 'Tell him...'

  'Tell him yourself. You've been holding out. No wonder he's willing to follow you anywhere!'

  'Holding out?' she repeated, while the horse nuzzled his way into her pocket. 'I don't know what you're talking about. I...' The stream of indignant words slowed as Abdullah lifted his head in triumph, the apple Emma had pressed upon her in his teeth. 'I didn't know that was there,' Rachel said lamely. 'Well, I knew, but...' She watched as the horse crunched down on the fruit with amazing delicacy, his dark eyes rolling with pleasure. Despite herself, she began to smile. 'You're a thief, Abdullah,' she said softly. 'That was supposed to be my dessert.'

  David chuckled as he swung down from the saddle. 'He's a sucker for apples and sugar,' he said, running his hand along the animal's withers. 'You won't regret this, Rachel. He'll be your friend for life.'

  She smiled as the horse swallowed the fruit and moved towards her again. 'No more,' she said, letting the velvety nose investigate her pocket. 'See? It's empty.'

  'He'll want to check the other one... OK, now he'll let you alone. I'm afraid he's ripped your pocket,' he said, running his finger along the fabric. 'Here, at the seam.'

  His touch on her jacket was light, but she felt as if his hand was on her naked skin, searing her flesh through the layers of clothing. Nervousness sharpened her voice.

  'Then I'll just have to fix it,' she said, starting across the grass. 'Especially since it's the only jacket I have.'

  'The only...' She felt David's eyes on her, travelling the length of her body from her scuffed sneakers to her ripped jacket, and then he burst out laughing.

  Dammit, she thought furiously, she'd set herself up for that. Hadn't she promised herself she wouldn't say anything about her clothing? And now she'd made that stupid comment...

  'It isn't funny,' she said with dignity. 'I need my things.'

  His hand caught hers and he tugged her around until she faced him. 'Rachel, I'm so sorry. Are you saying you've had nothing to wear except that one outfit?'

  'Are you saying you didn't know that?' she demanded.

  David ran his hand through his hair. 'Of course I didn't. I got involved in a takeover that almost fell apart and... Hell, why didn't you say something?' She shrugged. 'Dammit, Rachel, you could have told Emma, if you were so intent on avoiding me!'

  'I was not intent on avoiding you, Mr Griffin. I...'

  'David,' he corrected.

  'I've been managing,' she answered, avoiding the use of his name. 'Emma showed me where the laundry-room is.'

  'What kind of man do you think I am, Rachel?' He shook his head and stepped back, his eyes going over her again, lingering on the rapid rise and fall of her breasts beneath the open jacket. 'You're one surprise after another,' he said softly. 'Somehow I can't picture Cassie wearing the same scruffy outfit day after day.'

  'You're right,' she said quickly, trying unsuccessfully to free her hand from his. 'Cassie probably would have managed to look stunning even in rags. I told you we were very different. I...'

  'Cassie wouldn't have kept quiet all this time. She'd have registered her protests in no uncertain terms.' David moved a step closer, his eyes locked with hers. 'Don't you care about things like that, Rachel?'

  Embarrassment licked hotly at her. What did it matter what he thought of her looks? she told herself, but her cheeks felt as if they were blazing just the same.

  'I told you, I've been washing these things. I may not be a fashion plate, but I'm clean, and that's all that counts. Jamie...'

  David smiled and let go of Abdullah's reins. 'I wasn't thinking of Jamie,' he said softly, laying his hand along her cheek. 'I was thinking of me.'

  'You don't have to worry about me disgracing your house. I keep to my room. No one sees me.'

  Suddenly his voice was a scourge. 'Lots of people saw you at the Golden Rooster.' His hand slipped down her jaw and cupped her chin, his fingers pressing into her flesh. 'How did it feel to have all those men staring at you, Rachel? Didn't it bother you to know what they were thinking?'

  Anger sharpened her tongue. 'And you'd know what they were thinking, wouldn't you? You were there for hours, Mr Griffin, and your eyes never left me!'

  She held her breath, watching as his face darkened and his eyes burned their golden heat into hers. She forced herself not to flinch from their blazing ferocity. Finally, to her surprise, an unwilling smile touched the corners of his mouth.

  'Maybe you're right,' he said softly.

  'And aren't you disappointed to find out that this is the real me?' she asked, wrenching away from him. 'You can't judge a book by its cover. Just because you saw me at the Golden Rooster...'

  'Industry spends a lot of time and money on fancy p
ackaging, Rachel.'

  'And it's all to get people to buy the product. The Rooster's product is overpriced booze. All it proves is that a fool and his money...'

  A quick grin lit his face. '... are soon parted. Have you got a homespun proverb for every occasion?'

  Her hands went to her hips. 'Does that strike you as amusing?'

  The grin broadened, softening the harsh planes in his face. 'I've got to admit it's unusual to hear them coming from someone like you.'

  'Someone like me? Are we back to the costume I wore at the Rooster?'

  David sighed with resignation. 'Someone as young as you, is what I meant, Rachel.'

  'I'm not a child!'

  'Ah, forgive me. Yours is the voice of an older generation.'

  He was laughing at her. She could hear it in his voice and see it the tiny lines at the corners of his eyes. Why hadn't she realised those were laugh lines? she wondered suddenly. Why had she assumed they were only lines he'd got from squinting at the sun?

  'My grandmother used those sayings all the time. And they all make sense, when you think about it,' she said defensively.

  'Oh, I agree,' he said softly. He took a step back and let his gaze drift slowly over her. 'I never said I was disappointed in the real you, Rachel. I like what I see. In fact, I like the real Rachel Cooper much more than I thought I would.'

  Rachel's face flushed. 'That's easy to understand. You didn't expect to like her at all.'

  He laughed softly. 'So tell me, Rachel Cooper, what have you done with yourself the past few days? Do you miss the city?'

  The sudden change of subject took her by surprise. 'Of course I miss it,' she said immediately, then she shook her head. It seemed stupid to pretend to miss her cramped apartment and the narrow streets of her lower Manhattan neighbourhood, still hot and steaming in the late days of Indian summer. 'No,' she admitted, 'not particularly.'

  David nodded. 'And your job? I take it you don't miss that.'

  Rachel shoved her hands into her trouser pockets and started slowly across the lawn. David scooped up Abdullah's trailing reins and walked beside her.

  'Look, Mr Griffin...'

  'Come now, Rachel,' he said softly, 'we're on a first-name basis, remember? Do you need a reminder?'

  'Look, David, if you're waiting for me to thank you for this.. .this vacation at sumjner camp, you've got a long wait ahead of you. My apartment was—is—a hole in the wall and my job's horrible, but that doesn't mean I'm pleased to be here.' She glanced up at him and took a breath. 'Everything had a purpose until you... until you decided you wanted Jamie. I hated the Golden Rooster, but it paid the bills. I worked hard, but the time went quickly. I...'

  'Emma tells me you've kept yourself busy.'

  'I haven't broken our agreement,' she said quickly. 'You said you wanted me to ease things for Jamie.'

  'She says you helped her bake the other day.'

  'I just wanted to feel useful. Did I violate some rule? I thought…'

  David's mouth twisted. 'You really think I'm a bastard, don't you? No, you didn't violate any rule. The only thing I'm trying to do is make Jamie less dependent on you. Am I a monster because I want my son?'

  'How simple you make it sound!'

  'It is simple.'

  'Why didn't you think of your son months ago?' she asked bitterly.

  David grasped her wrist and swung her towards him. 'Dammit, woman, you can't have it both ways! You hate me for wanting him and you hate me for not wanting him. Which is it?'

  'Maybe if you'd wanted him from the start...'

  His eyes narrowed dangerously. 'Are we back to that again?'

  'We never left it. When Cassie was pregnant...'

  'How in God's name was I supposed to know it was my child she was carrying?' he demanded angrily. 'Every man in New York...'

  'Don't!' she said in a warning whisper.

  'There's no use in trying to deny it. There were a dozen men before me and a dozen...'

  All the anger Rachel had so carefully controlled during the past few days ignited. 'Liar!' she breathed, her hand a blur as it struck his cheek. 'Cassie wasn't like that.'

  He touched his fingers to his cheek, where the red imprint of her hand lay. 'Yes,' he said softly, his eyes seeking hers, 'yes, she was. You must have known. Everyone else did. I can understand that you loved her, but that doesn't change the truth. You can't go on lying to yourself for ever.'

  'I'm not! I... I...' His eyes sought hers, catching and holding them until finally she bowed her head. 'It's pointless to argue over this. She's gone. AH that matters is now.'

  His breath hissed sharply. 'I agree.'

  'Do you have any idea of how much Jamie means to me?'

  His hand fell from her wrist. 'You keep asking me that, Rachel, as if you were the only person involved in this.'

  'I'm not forgetting you're his...his father,' she said quickly. 'But I love him. I...'

  'Then stop being so damned selfish. Would you want him to grow up without his father?'

  Her eyes closed and she sighed. 'No,' she admitted, her voice a husky whisper. 'But why did you wait so long? All this would have made sense if you'd come months ago.'

  'All right,' David said harshly. His hand closed around her wrist again. 'I have to take Abdullah back to the stables. Walk with me, Rachel. Maybe you're right. Maybe you're entitled to know more.'

  She glanced at him, surprise reflected in her eyes, but she said nothing, matching her. stride to his as they walked slowly towards the stone outbuildings that housed the stables. He said nothing for a long while, and she thought he had reconsidered, until finally he took a deep breath.

  'I didn't believe Cassie when she told me she was pregnant with my child,' he said slowly. 'But you already know that.'

  'Yes, but you should have. She wouldn't have lied, not about something like that. I knew her almost all her life. She...'

  'I'm not going to argue with you, Rachel,' he said flatly. 'We're all entitled to our memories. Besides, all that's important is the present. You said so yourself.' She sighed and nodded her head, and his hand tightened on her wrist. 'When I heard Cassie had over.. .when I heard she'd died, I began to think about the child.'

  'My grandmother would have loved you,' Rachel said stiffly. 'Better late than never, right?'

  'Dammit, Rachel, do you want to hear this or don't you?'

  She sighed with resignation. 'Go on.'

  'I didn't always have this place, you know.' His voice dropped to a whisper; she had to step closer to him in order to hear what he was saying. 'I got what I have on my own.'

  There was a curious flatness to the statement, a lack of whatever inflection would have made the comment sound like a prideful boast. Rachel waited for him to say more, but his cryptic comment was evidently all the explanation he was going to make.

  'Look,' she said quietly, 'I know you want to share things with Jamie. I don't blame you for wanting an heir.'

  His fingers bit into her flesh and she winced with pain. 'Is that what you think this is all about? Wanting an heir?' Gradually his grip lessened and he laughed. The sound was soft and bitter. 'I want to give the boy a father, Rachel. What I'm trying to tell you is that I know what it's like to be raised without one. I spent my childhood in an orphanage.'

  The words sounded strangely devoid of emotion, delivered in the same flat tone he had used to describe how he had acquired his holdings. Surprised, Rachel stopped and turned to face him. His eyes were dark with memories, and the corners of his mouth were pulled downward. Automatically she reached out to him, stopping herself only at the last second.

  'I'm so sorry, David.'

  For the first time, his name came easily to her lips, but he shrugged aside her sympathy.

  'This isn't an appeal for pity,' he said harshly.

  'I didn't think it was. All I meant was, I didn't know.'

  'Nobody knows,' he said. 'It's not anybody's damned business except my own. I'm only telling you so you understand...' He
took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair in a gesture that was becoming familiar to her. 'Look, all I'm trying to say is that the boy needs me now. When I planned all this—well, I didn't know you. I thought...I thought you were going to be like...' Her eyes darkened and David held up his hand. 'Let's not argue about her, Rachel. All I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry I've hurt you in the process.'

  She felt a quick surge of hope. 'Do you mean that, David?' He nodded his head and she took a breath. 'Then we can find some sort of compromise, can't we? I don't have to be locked out of Jamie's life.' She reached out to him again and put her hand on his arm. 'We can find a way, I know we can.'

  'There you are, David! I've been looking everywhere.'

  The sound of the strange female voice fell between them like cold rain. David looked up in surprise.

  'Vanessa ‑What are you doing here?'

  Rachel looked at the tall, elegant figure walking towards them. Unconsciously her hand went to her hair and then to her jacket pocket, trying to hide the rip in it. The woman smiled benignly.

  'You must be Rachel,' she said.

  'Yes. I...'

  Her smile broadened. 'How do you do, Rachel? I'm Miss Walters.'

  The reminder of her status as a servant was subtle but purposeful. Rachel's hand fell from David's arm and she took a step back.

  'Jamie must be awake by now,' she murmured. 'I'll head back to the house.'

  'Rachel...'

  The woman ran her hand familiarly along Abdullah's flank and then laced her arm through David's. 'Let her go, David. You can show her around the property some other time. If we don't hurry, you'll never be ready by six o'clock. And you know you promised me you'd be on time.'

  The slender body lounged carelessly against his. For no reason she could determine, Rachel felt a coldness race through her.

  'It's almost time for Jamie's bath,' she said, turning away from the scene before her. 'I have to go.'